Talaera Talks - Business English Communication

65. Effective Small Talk: Get Past "How Are You?" - Talaera Bits

September 20, 2022 Talaera Business English Communications Training Episode 65
Talaera Talks - Business English Communication
65. Effective Small Talk: Get Past "How Are You?" - Talaera Bits
Show Notes Transcript

Small talk is a fundamental part of human relationships. It's how we test the waters and check if we can trust the other person. It's how we develop relationships in most parts of the world. But how do you get past the typical first question, "How are you?" In this quick episode, Simon shares three quick but very effective tips to engage in small talk effectively.

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Paola Pascual  0:03  
Welcome to Talaera talks, the business English communication podcast for non-native professionals. My name is Paola and I am co-hosting the show with Simon.

Simon Kennell  0:13  
In this podcast, we're going to be covering communication advice and tips to help express yourself with confidence in English in professional settings. So we hope you enjoy the show.

Simon Kennell  0:25  
Welcome back to another episode of Talaera Talks. As always, wherever you are, my name is Simon, and I hope you're having a great day. Today, we're going to do a little bit on something that I know everybody here is a big fan of - small talk.

Simon Kennell  0:48  
That was sarcasm. I know, all I hear all day is I hate small talk. Why do we... Why do people do small talk? Like why do we even do it? And unfortunately, it's like, you know, there's a great expression in English, it's says that there's only two things that are certain in life, death and taxes. Well, I think there's like three things, depending on where you are, though, death taxes, and small talk. Because if you work in international business, then you know, depending on where people come from, they're going to feel that it's appropriate -that it's customary- to have a little bit of small talk, right? It's how we get to know each other. It's how we, as we'll say, test the waters on a relationship. Do we trust this person? Do we feel? Yeah, do we feel like we can develop a relationship, a business relationship or a personal relationship?

Simon Kennell  1:48  
So we know obviously, the first question everybody always asks, right is, "How are you doing?" Right? And that's kind of the step one of small talk is that people ask, "How are you doing?" And then probably the other person says, I'm doing well, how are you doing? And then you say, I'm doing well, thank you. And then silence? What do we do at that point? Right? It's like, how do you get past the, How are you? I'm doing well, how are you? How do we get past that little piece of small talk? Well, that's what I want to talk about today. I'm going to give you a couple of strategies just really quickly, and we're going to talk about how to get past. How are you?

Simon Kennell  2:38  
Well, number one, be interested, not interesting. This is something that Paola has talked about before, when it comes to small talk - be interested. This means if the other person isn't really asking a lot of questions, it is up to you to be interested in them. And it doesn't need to be something that you feel like is just about business, it can be something personal, it can be something that just opens the door for you to get to know the other person, right. But you have to show the interest. You have to really show that by asking questions. So what are some questions you can ask? Well, Oh, what did you end up doing last weekend? Or do you have any big plans for the upcoming weekend? You could start like that. 

Simon Kennell  3:27  
After we get through the how are you? You can also start with something like, Oh, how's the how's the weather over there? And I know, some people think, Ah, it's such an awkward question. But you can roll with it. Go with it. You know, if they say Oh, well, it's Yeah, I mean, it's been nice. It's been okay. Yeah. And then you say, okay, like, do you enjoy the rain more? Or the sun more? What are you kind of... What makes you more comfortable? What do you enjoy the most? And it may be an interesting conversation that you can start from there. Again, the idea is that it's like a fire. You start with small little pieces. And then gradually you build up, right? We don't just need to throw a big log on the fire at the beginning. We want to gradually build up. So number one, be interested not interesting. We want to ask them the questions and start to open that up.

Simon Kennell  4:24  
Then, like I said, it's like a fire. We want to open up gradually. And that's the big thing on the small talk is we want to build on what's been said, right? So if you're asking about oh, what did you end up doing last weekend? And the person says, Oh, well, I went to the movies and said, Oh, okay, what movie did you watch? I watched this movie. Let's say it was the new Top Gun movie. Oh, interesting. You know, I haven't seen that yet. But I don't know if I'm a huge Tom Cruise fan, but I know that first when it was, it was a like a legendary movie. Do you think that the second one lived up to the to the first one? Okay, so what was I doing there? All he told me was, he went to go see Top Gun. Okay, cool. But then I took that and I started to build on it and linked it to my own thoughts of I know, the first movie is like a legendary movie. And then again, throwing it back to them be interested, I'm interested to know, if he thinks that this movie was as good as the original, right? I'm focusing on building, right. So number one, be interested not interesting. We want to ask a lot of questions. Number two, open up gradually, right? We want to focus on linking, take what they give you, and see what you can build on it. Find something that you think about this topic or, or something that you can build on an ask a question and give it back. Right. So we want to link that. 

Simon Kennell  6:03  
And then my last point here, when we want to get past the How are you is don't fight it, right? Don't I know it's awkward, sometimes it can be awkward to do a little bit of small talk, but you know, it's okay, go with the flow, you're building a relationship, right? And that takes some time. But the biggest thing that you can do is you can show in your body language in their expression that you're open to developing a conversation, right? And not just answering yes, no. And not just asking, yes, no questions, right? Open, don't fight it. Don't provide the barriers, right? You want to keep it open. 

Simon Kennell  6:46  
So our three tips, three tips to get past how are you? Be interested, not interesting, right? We want to ask a lot of questions. Open up gradually. And don't fight it, right, go with the flow. And that's of course, easier said than done when it's your second language. But practice, practice, practice. You can listen to a lot of the podcasts that we've had previously. And Paola and I, we always start with a little bit of small talk to get the ball to get the ball rolling. So check those out. Okay, so a little bit of small talk work today. Go out find someone speaks in English practice. And, as always, keep learning.

Paola Pascual  7:32  
And that's all we have for you today. We hope you enjoyed it. And remember to subscribe to Talaera talks. We'll be back soon with more.

Simon Kennell  7:40  
And visit our website at talaera.com for more valuable content on business English. You can also request a free consultation on the best ways for you and your team to improve your communication skills. So have a great day and keep learning!