112. How to Speak Up for Yourself in Cross-Cultural Settings - With Grace Diaz

In this episode of Talaera Talks, we delve into the concept of self-advocacy, exploring its significance in professional settings and the challenges individuals face, particularly in cross-cultural environments. With our special guest Grace Diaz, we discuss practical strategies for advocating for oneself while maintaining authenticity and navigating cultural nuances.

Episode takeaways:

• Self-advocacy is about remembering your right to ask for what you need.
• It's important to have uncomfortable conversations for personal growth.
• Cultural backgrounds significantly influence how we advocate for ourselves.
• Preparation is key to effective self-advocacy.
• Finding your deeper purpose can motivate you to speak up.
• Authenticity is crucial in self-advocacy; don't lose yourself in the process.
• Celebrate small victories in your journey of self-advocacy.
• Understanding the dynamics of your workplace can enhance your advocacy efforts.
• Self-advocacy is a skill that can be developed over time.
• Grace and self-compassion are essential when navigating self-advocacy.

Connect on LinkedIn:
Grace Diaz: https://www.linkedin.com/in/grace-diaz-62ab5870/
Talaera: https://www.linkedin.com/company/talaera

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Transcript

0:01

Welcome to Tellera Talks, your go-to podcast for practical advice on succeeding in international business through effective communication. Today, we're talking about self-advocacy, knowing when and how to speak up for yourself even in challenging situations. If you've ever felt like your ideas weren't being heard or struggled to ask for what you really needed at work, stick around. Our guest today, Grace Diaz, is a published author and HR business partner with a passion for cross-cultural communication. In this episode, she shares personal stories, actionable insights and tools to own your voice, get your ideas heard and take control of your professional growth. Ready? Let's dive in. Grace, welcome to Deliratalks. I'm so excited to have you here. How are you? I'm good. And I'm so excited to be here and to finally be able to talk to you about such a fun topic that I feel like is so little talked about, but so necessary. So I'm excited to get into it and where we go with this podcast today. It's one of those topics that when you brought it out, it's like, yes, let's go with it. But before we get into the actual topic, can you share a little bit more how this even happened? How did we meet? How did we decide to do this episode together? Yeah, no, I'm happy to. So I guess I'll start by saying two of my top two values are faith and curiosity. And I think that plays into how this conversation came to be. I'm always following my curiosity, my passion and... I came across Talera. Honestly, I don't know how, it was, you know, something in the air came across it. I think in maybe one of the many HR kind of communities that I'm in. And I checked out one of your webinars that you all do. And I remember it was on cross-cultural communication. And I was like, I love this. Like, I was so bought into the mission of Talera. So then I started just digging and, you know, one thing leads to the other. You follow the breadcrumbs and... I saw that you all had a podcast and I'm like, my goodness. And I started listening to the content and I'm like, yes, I see myself in that. Or I resonate with that experience that they're sharing. And I always just enjoyed listening and learning from the tools and also sharing resources with the company that I work for. And then from there, I know that you all mentioned you're big fans of the Culture Map, the book by Aaron Meyer. And I was just recently did a program led by her at Inseed. And so afterwards I was like, I think I can add a lot of value within the lens of cross-cultural communication. So the power of technology, of LinkedIn, of connection, we were connected. weeks later, we've been partnering together and working together on this podcast. And I'm so excited to finally... just be able to talk to you today and share a little bit about our experiences and what they bring with regards to self-advocacy. Awesome. Thank you so much for all the kind words you just shared now. It always makes my day that you listen to it, that you like to share. And we've been talking a lot about the culture map as well. We're also fans here at Talera. It has a lot of great insights and it makes us become better humans and better workers in the end as well because we learn that our truth is not the only truth and it really helps us understand how dynamics work in the workplace, not just where we live, but around the world. So I'm very excited about the conversation that we have today. We're talking about self-advocacy, but that is a big word. What is it? Why should we care about it? How can we, is it something that Is that reality for most of us in the day to day or is this something that is, you know, something that only happens here and there? I love that you asked this question because when I was doing the research for this topic, it does feel like a very heavy word. It feels very rigid. It feels very tense. Like I saw, you know, some of the definitions about self-advocacy in the workplace where like demand what you need in the workplace and, know, using very strong words. And I feel like it doesn't need to be that way. For me, how I would look at self-advocacy in the workplace is, you know, the art of remembering just your human right to ask for what you need and to advocate for yourself and understanding, yes, that, you know, it might not always be met, but you still have that right, that fundamental right to ask for what you want and to make sure that you're not taken advantage of. And I think that it's so interesting because when you think about self-advocacy, it's not something that comes up. I mean, there was even looking at like the research for it. It's not very much talked about, but it's something we're doing every day. We're always at the end of the day, advocating for ourselves, whether that's in your workplace or in your personal life. So I think that this topic, while it's, you know, can seem like very like, serious and rigid, it doesn't need to be. And it's something that, you know, it's very important because in order to grow, we're all here to grow and we're all doing our best to just be our best selves for ourselves, our families, our planet that we live in. And I think that in order to grow, you are going to need to at some point have an uncomfortable conversation or put yourself in an uncomfortable spot. and ask for what you need or at the end of the day, protect your piece and what you stand for. I do think that it is so important. And of course, in a workplace, we can talk about growth and development and even getting a seat at the table or even getting the interview or even you're going to need to hone in to that self-advocacy and share. A lot of times people are like, especially in interviews, it's like, don't, this is not the time to be humble. Like you need to, you know, ask for what you need. And maybe that we'll get into that later with the Western and the background that I've come from. But, but yeah, I mean, at the end of the day, like it's, I hope, I know that this short time that we have together is going to be powerful because it's going to help at the end of the day, whether it's in your workplace or in your personal life to help someone to stand up, you know, for, for what they or what they believe that they want and need and also just make sure that they're being taken advantage of. So that is a long answer to your question. What are some examples, big and small, where we need this skill? Yeah. So big, I can say, is I almost touched on it, a big, probably one that's kind of more out there, of course, is in the workplace specifically, when you are interviewing. mean, everyone at the end of the day, you're amazing. There are so many amazing individuals out there, but unless you really have the tools, I mean, that's a beautiful thing, self-advocacy. It's a tool, you can strengthen it. Not everyone's going to be born. you know, where this is like comes naturally to them. Even myself, I struggle with this topic. That's why I'm passionate about talking about it, because it's something that I go through and that's hard for me. So I think that with that, especially when it comes to interviews, that's the first step, right? Like you need to get in the door first. And that is your first area where you can, you know, really advocate for yourself and, you know, share who you are, what you bring to the table, what you're passionate about, what value you can add to the company. And on a smaller scale level, I would say, let me think about that one. In a smaller way, advocating for yourself could even be saying, I talk with a lot of people in the HR world, a burnout or when you can't take on another project. that can be advocating for yourself when you simply hone the power of saying no to something that can definitely be advocating for yourself and for your, you know, just to protect your, you know, your wellness and health. So there are so many areas that you could go. Do you have any, anything that you, any examples that may be coming to mind? You know, it's interesting that you set, you know, on a smaller scale and then you brought up burnout and you know, saying no to a project because you have too much on your plate. When I would consider those as big deals, right? Like these are moments where you definitely like it's hard and you need to sometimes push back. Maybe on a smaller scale, could be, or even bigger scale, it could be asking for a raise or it could also be speaking up in a meeting where you feel like perhaps you are a non-native English speaker and you don't feel like your voice is listened to as much as you would. And so you need to harness this tool of self-advocacy and saying, hey, listen, I'm here. My voice is also valuable and I have so much to share. And then you learn how to do that. So these are like, right, different moments where in your day to day, you need to learn how to do it. Yes. Yes. I love that you brought that up. And it's so, it's so pivotal. And then that's the thing. It's like, and I think that goes back to what we were saying. Of course, yeah, of course speaking up in a meeting, of course, you know, all the examples that you provided, but it's like something that we just don't even think about, but that's self-advocacy. Exactly. So it's in our day-to-day lives. One of the challenges that I've experienced personally living in many different countries is finding the balance between being assertive and saying, this is what I want, and I want to be very clear about it. and not sounding rude, but also not sounding like I don't care about it. For me, that's one of the biggest challenges, right? Like find that balance. Have you ever felt this way and are there any other challenges that you could talk about? Oh yeah, I think that's the biggest one for me as well, is weaving back and forth between, and we'll get into it later, but the cultural piece of it. I am, I didn't share in the beginning, but for the audience, I'm Mexican American. My family is, my mom, she is born in Mexico. My dad from a different area in Mexico, and then me. I've always grown up in a Western society from that lens. So I've always felt this tug and pull, or this push and pull between one side. of one side of myself, which is, you know, coming from a, you know, more Hispanic background to the, you know, the more American side within me, which is the complete, you know, opposite. So I definitely understand what you're saying where like one side meets like, yes, raise your hand, ask questions and make sure that they know who you are. Don't leave the room without. you know, making sure that you say something to the, you know, more way of which I was grown, which is when I got, you know, my first role as an HRBP, my mom and my, you know, family were so happy and they're like, you know, put your head down, do your job. Like, don't ask, like be grateful for the job, you know? So I definitely, I get that between, you know, you're like, want to be assertive, but I also, you know, I don't want to cause too much stir and I think that's something that a lot of people, because that's the beauty of human complexity. We have so many different things inside of us that play out into how we advocate for ourselves. if there is a first step for someone, it's really taking a look within and asking, what parts of me, what parts of my background and my experiences play into my view of self-advocacy? What do I actually what is self-advocacy? Like I heard what Grace and Paula think it is, but like what do I think it is? And then you can start to kind of weave and create your own narrative for that. love that. That's, you know, it's also interesting that you had that mix within yourself where you were brought up one way, but then your cultural context is otherwise. What do you think makes it hard for most people to speak up for themselves? There is so, I'm sure there are so many different elements to that. I can say one, you mentioned earlier, maybe being in an environment and same with me, I've been in environments where, you know, maybe the language isn't even like the predominant language that your company is, you know, using isn't your first language. So maybe sometimes it's hard to even find the the words for it, you know, for the right to use. So that's one. I think secondly, too, talking about intersectionality, even male versus female. mean, I, or, you know, there's just so much that can go into that. But I think even being, you know, sometimes when you're the only woman in the room, like you can feel a little bit, you know, it can be a little intimidating in those spaces and learning that also. I think those would be the top two that I think of. And then of course, like different experiences that people level seniority as well can definitely make a difference. Tenor at a company. Yeah, there are so many different lenses that you can look at when thinking about what can make it difficult and why, you know, there's a few obstacles that go into it. There's so many elements, right? I'm even thinking imposter syndrome as someone who's bell like that, where you feel like, don't deserve to be here or I don't have the knowledge or the experience to have, you know, to be in this role. And you always have this mentality of like, when are they going to find out that I'm a fraud? So having that dialogue within you also makes it really hard for some people to speak up for themselves because they feel like, wait, if I speak up, then maybe they'll find out that I shouldn't be here. course that's within your head and you're a totally capable professional, but it's so hard to, you know, to fight that. And I think that's why it, at the end of the day, I'm such a believer in, when you look at a lot of the research, you know, it's a very, it comes from a lot of theory, but at the end of the day, a lot of this is, it's, it's, it's a feeling, it's a lived experience. And I think That's what a lot of times people, especially in the culture and the world that we live in, there's articles and play books and all the things on ways, different topics that you might be interested. But at the end of the day, it's in there. And I think when you, a lot of times when we're in these rooms or in these moments, we might be struggling within like, what am I saying versus like, what is the article on how to promote yourself? telling me to say, and so you're struggling and then you miss your moment to even say anything and you're all in your head. But I think that that's the beauty of just taking it back and remembering that like when you do move with that sincerity, move with that on authenticity within yourself, like you will not lose, like you will not miss, you know, that moment. And I think the more people lean into like within, they'll be better able to feel good about advocating for yourself because it's also about doing it, right? It's about, you know, it's for you. It's so you can go back at the end of the day and say, you know what, I said my piece. Like, I don't have that within me. And I think that that releases a lot of, you know, the stress or things that might come from, you know, having these uncomfortable conversations because... They are uncomfortable, you know, it's hard for anyone that has done it. It can be hard. And I like that you brought out so many elements. we talked about culture, which we'll talk about in a moment, but we also talked about how long you've been the company, your role. You've also talked, you know, gender, and this is so true. little anecdote, we were talking, we have this English speaking club every week. where professionals from all around the world get together, they practice their English, but they also, it's almost like a cultural exchange. And when we're talking about ways to disagree in English, and one of the tips or strategies that came out was saying, sorry, I didn't understand. And so this woman came and said, I don't think that we should do that, especially us women, we shouldn't apologize for disagreeing. And I thought was such a good point, you know, like, That was also a different conversation, a debate came up from that. But it is something that we've done for so long, especially in the UK, for example, where it's very common to, you're not really apologizing, but you're using a sorry word to introduce the fact that you disagree. So it's interesting how it is perceived also in different cultures. That was a very interesting debate. yeah, or I also, I had this come up in a classroom. of mine when I was doing the program where I was, you know, politely disagreeing as we do in the US and I said, may I offer a different perspective? Like, and everyone kind of looked like they're like, so American. Like instead of just being like, I disagree, like, here's what I, you know, say, and that's, you know, a whole different podcast we can talk about, which is also an interesting thing on how to disagree more effectively as well. For sure. But then still staying on the topic of culture, maybe not so much about disagreeing, but about self-advocacy in general. Is there a way someone can stay true to themselves while practicing self-advocacy across different cultures? Yes. And I actually during, I want to bring up a book that I came across during looking this up because I felt like I could never put words to it. I was, but when I was researching, I came across this book called Global Dexterity. And essentially it's by Andrew Malinsky, Andy Malinsky, sorry. And it talks about fitting in without giving in. it's absorbing the culture that you're in without completely losing yourself in the process. And I loved how that was, I felt like that worked for me specifically in terms of, because you don't want to fully just immerse yourself because then you don't feel, you feel like, this isn't me, like all my authenticity is gone. But when you are able to marry both sides, where you're able to, you know, take your, culture that you're working in or you know, the organization, how they do things, but then you're also able to blend that with, you know, your beliefs and your thoughts and how you would approach certain manners. I feel like with that, you meet yourself where you are, you meet the business where they are, and it creates a much more authentic relationship versus, you know, completely just going one way versus the other. So I did love that. And I was never able to put language to it. Like I always felt that, but I feel like that global dexterity. So if there's anyone, you know, listening to this podcast that wants to take it a step further, I would definitely recommend that research because it's a beautiful way to meet you where you are, continue to, you know, hone in on who you are and your thoughts and beliefs while also acknowledging, you know, I do work for an organization, know, there are going to be compromises that need to be made or just to have that understanding of both as well. I do believe that there are ways to do it effectively. And I've been learning this in, you know, my own personal life. It is an art. So that's what I will embrace the audience with. You know, it's a lot of experimenting, trying, failing, finding what works, finding what doesn't. But that's the beauty of it. And that's the beauty of growth. You're always continuing to progress forward and just try different things and see what, you know, put something on, see if it fits well for you. And I think that's the fun part of it. Hey, love that. I need to repeat that back to you. Fitting in without giving in. I need to read this book for sure. Yeah. Yes. I really like that. Do you have any way we can, any tangible way where I can apply this? tomorrow at work? Like what are some samples? what advice do you have to actually apply this to specific real life situations? Yeah. So I would definitely, how I would approach it is, know, first it's going to take a little bit of thought, right? You know, a little bit of preparation goes a long way. And so I would say what my advice would be is one, you know, if you, at the end of day, it'll come, you know, if it hasn't already, if you don't have something that you, you know, want to advocate for yourself for like right now, like I'm sure it'll come in the future. But what I would recommend is to, you know, take a moment to pause and look at self-advocacy. And like I said earlier, you know, Do a little bit of digging within, like ask yourself, you know, what does it mean to me? Like, does my culture influence my thoughts on self-advocacy? And then once you are clear on that part, you can move to the next piece, which is, okay, like what actually do I want to advocate for? Like, maybe you have something on your mind. Maybe you're like, I want to, you know, advocate for this, you know, role that just opened up in my job that I think I'll be great for. I do want to, know, ask for or feak up in that meeting. I think I have this great idea to bring. So get very clear on, you know, what you want and like what you want to get out of the conversation if it is a conversation you're having. And then also connect it to a deeper purpose. And this is where I really want to spend some time because I think that is what's going to be the driver because It's not easy to have these conversations or to do things for the first time. get it. But I think that when you have that underlying mission of, I'm doing this to serve a bigger purpose. I'm doing this so that I have a story to tell. I'm doing this so that people in my community around me are going to, you know, be encouraged and feel like they could do this too. Or I'm doing it for the other people in the room, you know, who who might be a little bit not there yet, where they aren't ready to advocate for themselves yet. Or find whatever it is, find your deeper connection or I'm asking for this promotion so that I can have better resources for my family. Whatever it is, find that purpose and that'll really drive you, I think, to have the conversation. And then after that, to take a moment. I know it's a lot of preparation, but you want to feel good going into the conversation. Take a moment to be an archeologist. Look at your culture. Look at the business you're in or the job that you want or the role that you wanted. Are there people that are advocating for themselves really well? Like how do they do it? Maybe talk to them and start gathering notes into what self-advocacy looks like at your job. And that'll really help you. So once you're very clear on what self-advocacy looks like to you, what it looks like in your own company. What you'll wanna do is start creating your own narrative. Like I said, try things on. So, write down what works for you, like how you wanna approach the conversation. Ask some people, ask a trusted friend or mentor someone in your company if you trust them. have that conversation with them because you can get a lot of advice. just recently had to advocate for myself for something that came up at work. And I reached out to one of my friends that I know is really good at advocating for herself typically. And she was able to give me a lot of advice that I wouldn't have thought about because for me, I'm still learning this. And so you definitely want to do some preparation before prepare for how they might respond or the... other scenarios that might come into place or like what you know how that conversation might look. So I think it does take a lot of preparation, but that's the beauty of it in terms of you know the fact that you want to go in like feeling strong and feeling like your best. But that's when you're I'm also the example that I'm thinking of is like when you're preparing for a conversation or an interview or you know to ask for a raise or something but In terms of, you know, if you're in a meeting and it comes up where, you know, you want to speak up or advocate for yourself, I would again, just really hone in on, you know, how do I want to leave here feeling? Is this going to be, if I don't speak up now, like, am I going to leave and be like, I wish I would have, you know, said something. I would bring it back to that and hone in on that. Like, what is, what is going to drive you for those kind of scenarios that come up every day where we might not have a chance to like, prepare in full scale. This is great. So definitely there's a lot of preparation in here. There's one thing that I was writing down the question and then immediately you answered it before I even asked it, you know? And that is when we talk at Atelier, when we talk about conversations and having productive conversations at work, one of the things we always say, when you need to push back, when you need to agree, disagree, you know, negotiate, the main question you want to find out about the other person is the real why. What moves them? What is their, what are their underlying motivations? Not what they say, but the actual reasons they're doing what they're doing. And I was thinking to myself, we always say this for the others, right? We need to find this out about the people we're talking to. But in this case, it's all about yourself. One thing is what you say you want, what you say you want to, you know, to stand up for, but why? And truly why, like when you want a promotion, sometimes it is because you want to make sure you have the resources to provide for your family. But for other people, it might actually not be the case. And it's just a matter of, I need to prove my worth to myself or to others. So I thought that was such a big, I added a little star next to my notes because finding your deeper purpose is going to determine how you do everything else. Yes, and it's going to give you that motivation to do it and to speak up as well. I love that. And so we've prepared very well. And now we get into the conversation. Do you have any advice, any insights that we can apply? yeah. mean, there's always, it's an art. It comes down to everything's an art. So making sure that, If this is something that you're preparing for, if it's one of those scenarios, then I would, you know, of course make sure that, you know, you're prepared, even from a, you know, where are you having the meeting? Like, you know, how, like where is it, is it, or is it better to do it in a meeting room? Maybe it's at a coffee shop, like maybe you're delivering some tough feedback, like maybe it's a little bit more, it's better if we just take this outside and grab a coffee or, or, you know, if you're, you know. preparing for your, you know, to have a conversation about a promotion. Maybe, you know, you'd want to do it in a meeting room or, so I think it's preparing that or even making sure the technology's set up, all of that good stuff. And then also too, I think a big question that I always like to ask myself before going into any meeting or having one of those conversations, what do I want to get out of it? So, Maybe even usually for me, I need to meet myself where I'm at and mine is just, I wanna communicate my need. Like that, I just start there. Like I have to meet myself where I am. I don't even think about the outcome as much. I just want to make sure that I can leave the meeting saying, I did what I can and I did what I could do. And you know, I'm gonna start there. So I think the biggest tip. that I would give is just to remember how you want to leave the meeting feeling. You as well as the person that you're communicating with, how do you want them to feel and going from there. That's great. That's something that we have to remember before the conversation and during the conversation. Sometimes when there's a high stakes situation, we sometimes forget and we let the emotional part out. but remembering like I want to make sure both parts feel good, then maybe I should avoid hurting or you always should avoid hurting other people. But in specific situations, you should be more careful to make sure that they walk away with a good feeling or a feeling that you are a competent person or a feeling that you are providing value, whatever it is that you want to get out of the situation, something that you should remember. Maybe even like if you have some notes writing it down somewhere to remind you or getting a little anchored that reminds you of your goal and your purpose could help. yeah, 100%. And that reminds me, I'm always sharing resources, but I just finished reading Super Communicators. I'm forgetting who the author is right now, but it's great book. And one thing they say is like when you're preparing for a conversation or something, know, There's two dynamics to look at. One is like the relational level that you are with the person that you're speaking to. So if it's like a boss versus a longtime friend and peer, like that's going to be, and then how high stakes is the conversation? So when you just said, you know, these are, some of them are going to be higher stakes. Like if you're, asking or, you know, putting yourself out there for one of the positions that just opened up versus like maybe a lower stake one, which is like asking for, you know, a PTO day or. you know, something so, just gauging that before even going into the conversation could be helpful. And then we've talked about the cultural differences, but from a standpoint of, okay, this is my reality. come from a certain background and then I work in a place where I'm dealing with people from all around the world. We mentioned before, I think you hinted at it that in places like in the United States, you are taught from very little, but you have to speak up for yourself, you have to show what you can do, you have to, almost like you're encouraged to, I don't want to say brag, but you are encouraged, like that is a good thing. You want to show your worth. In other parts of the world, like in many Eastern countries, it is the total opposite to the point where you have to be careful accepting a compliment. You don't accept it openly because that is scene is bragging, which is a really bad thing. Right. If I'm someone listening to this episode and I'm thinking, this is too hard. I am never going to be able to get it right. Maybe I'll offend others. I look like I don't, you know, I don't see my worth or it'll look like I'm just, you this arrogant person that doesn't, you know, see the world around them. What do I do? Like I'm at a loss. Grace, can you tell me? goodness. I've been there before where you're just like, don't know how to win. I don't know how to move from here. How do I go forward from here? Again, think it's remembering, and that's where that grace comes in. It's just remembering that, you know, well, I would ask a few questions. To the person I would ask, I would try to get more more understanding of like what again is going to be the driver? Like what inside is going to get this person to take that to say, no, okay, this is really, really hard, but I'm going to do it anyway. So I would go there. And so anyone on the podcast who might be thinking like, this is too much. Like I just, I'm not even going to try. I'm just going to keep doing what I'm doing. I would tell them, you know, take that moment to find out what inside yourself, you know, is going to help to, like, what's going to drive you to help that? And maybe like there's something that you want, like maybe like all the examples we've been talking about. More like the other flip side of that question is what happens if I don't advocate for myself? I think that's the more powerful question. What happens if you don't? then you're going to be in your workplace not feeling authentic. And in that case, you're not going to be able to, when you don't feel like you can be your fullest expression of yourself in a workplace, like that's where we get into, you know, issues of, you know, psychological safety and belonging. And so my role as an HR is to make sure that everyone is feeling, you know, like they can be themselves and express themselves. And of course there's an art and there's a way to do it. And I think that's some of the tools that we've been showing here is to show you different ways from a global, like universal lens that you can use, because these aren't touching, you know, specific cultures. This is more so like something that you can use and apply to whether you're working in a culture very similar to yours or very different. So I think that's the blend of it. But I would again just tell this person that, you know, you are not alone, that it is a very, you know, we are all all experiencing that because we're all so complex and we're all, you know, at the end of the day, working with people that, you know, maybe think, look, and just are very different than us. But, you know, we're still on this team together and, you know, we're going to have to have conversations and drive each other forward. So I would definitely ask this person, like, what happens if you don't, you know. That is powerful. Yeah. Like what happens if you don't like, yeah, I don't, this needs to happen. This conversation needs to happen for sure. One thing that's helped me in the past working with different cultures, because I've lived in different places in the world that were totally different in terms of how they communicate, how they advocate for themselves. And other aspects of, you know, how we communicate and work and live. And one thing that's helped me is. being totally open about it and asking people and just saying, Hey, for the record, this is how I was taught to do these things. And it comes from this place. Like it comes from a place of, you know, I value harmony and I value, I was taught that the, need to make sure that the group is working well together and that we need to keep, you know, that cohesion within our group, within our team. So the way I disagree may sound a little bit soft in some contexts. These are the phrases that I usually, now that requires a lot of self-knowledge and self-awareness and cultural intelligence. So there is a lot of work and preparation as you said before, but I don't think many people are able to, or they are able, but I don't think many people think of this, you know, of saying to your team, This is how I usually communicate. If you feel like that is too soft, if you find it ambiguous, feel free to ask me follow up questions. I'm happy to share more, but my initial way of sharing these ideas is this. Or if you come from a totally different culture where you're very direct, you can say, I was taught to say things this way. I'm aware of the fact that for many people, that sounds really harsh. I'll try my best to sound polite and professional, but if you find it otherwise, please don't get offended, just talk to me, let's work it out. And having that initial conversation, I think the times have done it, people have been super surprised and like, what are you talking about? But then it really worked. And when you do that before you need to have that conversation, when there's really no stakes, there's nothing at risk. then people are more open to it and then when it happens then it clicks like wait I know where this person's coming from such a small thing that it's helped me personally so I love that you brought that up because it goes back to what we were saying earlier like it doesn't need to be rocket science like there's no toolbox like there's no toolkit for this like you find and I think that's the beauty of it it's so simple just to say hey like this is how I look at self-advocacy, like how do you, like what's your thoughts? Like I, or one of the examples that we brought up in the program was, you know, in certain cultures too, like it can be, it's like not, I don't want to use the word frowned upon, but it's not as- Not encouraged, right? Yeah, not as encouraged, not as encouraged to propose ideas in a meeting. So, you know, the manager coming from a different culture would come and- you know, say like, what ideas do you have? And no one would say anything. you know, and I think that that's, it goes back to if they would have had that conversation beforehand to your point of saying like, hey, like in my, you know, in the way I've experienced, like you don't say, like you don't just offer solutions without like consulting with your team first and like gathering or from the manager's perspective of saying like, hey, I'm coming from, you know, this culture where I, you know, it very action oriented and, you know, I see that and like it's an open space here and encouraging that. So I love, think what you said, like just open the door and, and you can get some really beautiful, similar to your example earlier when you all were just talking about the disagreeing and then you went into a whole different area of, you know, it, that's the beauty of conversation and of communicating is, you know, different things and perspectives. So I just wanted to say like plus one on tip. Amazing. Awesome. What is something that I, that we haven't covered? Is there anything that I haven't asked you that you definitely want to share with our audience today? my goodness. this is so tough, question. But if I want your audience to leave with anything, it is really I think that fitting in without giving in peace, because I spent so much of my time and years and professional experience trying to fit into something that just was not me. I was taught like, always raise your hand and just channel your masculine energy and ask for what you want. I'm like, this does not feel like me at all. And until recently, I have started you know, doing more work in this area of self-advocacy. And I realized that, you know what, it all comes from within. When you are able to never lose your authenticity, you will never lose. That's the thing. think that always at the end of the day, like a lot of this like theory and research, but there's something beautiful inside you that you have that no one else has. And when you communicate with authenticity, people are going to feel that it comes down to a feeling, even if it doesn't land the right way, even if you say it wrong, even if, you you might, it might be weird and uncomfortable, but at the end of the day, people are going to feel your heart and they're going to feel your passion and they're going to, you know, and it's going to turn out okay. So I think that that would be my advice is to don't lose yourself in the process. you know, and Like you said, reach out to your community, you know, and have grace, you know, celebrate the times that you do talk for, you know, that you do say something or that you do make that move, meet yourself where you're at. And, you know, just keep coming back to that grace because this is hard. And, you know, that's why we're doing a podcast on it because it's not something that comes easy, but it is a skill. And the more that you do it, the easier it becomes. So I would just say start where you are. have grace for yourself, don't lose that authenticity. you you have a tribe and a community that are supporting you. That's awesome. Thank you, Grace. I have one last question and it is something that we always ask on the podcast. And that is, if you were to give one communication related piece of advice to someone who's either getting started in an international, you know, job market or they're a non-native English speaker, what would it be? I touched on it just in my earlier response, but it'd be the grace piece. And I know that's ironic because my name is Grace, but it would really be that it's learning that, you know, you're doing hard things. You're doing hard things. So celebrate, you know, the fact that you're here, the fact that you've made it this far, the fact that you are interested, that you're even like, yeah, the fact that you're here, like, I would say keep coming back to that. A lot of times we don't take a moment to celebrate how far we've come. And I think we need to do that more because that's going to get you to your next step. A lot of times we look so much into the future and we forget to look at our past and all the strength that comes from, you know, the background that you have, the maybe the different culture, your roots and go back to that a little bit. Like go back to that younger, you know, version of yourself and and get that inspiration. I would say, you know, just continue to have grace, continue to celebrate how far you've come and the beautiful future that you have ahead of you. Love it. Thank you so much, Grace. It's been a wonderful conversation. It's been such a pleasure to collaborate with you. We've been talking for a few months. It's been lovely. We'll keep following each other's paths and collaborating hopefully in the future. see a lot of potential because we're passionate about very similar topics. But I just wanted to say thank you for coming on Talera Talks and for all this journey that we've been through. Thank you so much. And thank you for the work that you and your team are doing. It is really transformational. And I'm just excited and humbled to be a part of it. So thank you again. Thank you, Grace. Thank you so much for listening to Talera Talks. This year, we have so much more for you. I'm committed to bringing you the best guests, episodes, and courses to help you take your career to the next level. Hit the subscribe button and keep learning.